We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
