I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
