after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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