My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
