I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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