4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
