dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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