Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
