Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
