i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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