Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
