I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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