I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You ate ashes out of my bong
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
