the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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