I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
