Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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