I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
