jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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