I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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