I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize