Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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