I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
