just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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