I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
