even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
