I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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