i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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