New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
