DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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