Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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