Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
