I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
