Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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