Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
