imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
