what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
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Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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