i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
