no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am available for nakedness
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize