I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
