Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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