I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
