is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
