Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
