i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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