I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
