so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
