Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
