textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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