I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
