I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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