never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
