I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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