Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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