I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
