How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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