I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
