I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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