I just cut my nipple shaving
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
