I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
