How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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