I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
