gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and she was petting her beer can
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
