Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
