4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
