my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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