Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
