mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
