Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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