Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
