Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
