I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize