I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My vagina just clenched in fear
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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