the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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