I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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