17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pants are for mortals
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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