Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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