I think im going to throw up on grandma
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
