i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
