You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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